Introduction
One of the enemy’s greatest strategies is not always to attack our circumstances but to attack our identity. He wants us to believe lies about who we are, where our value comes from, and what gives us worth. Many people spend their lives searching for acceptance, significance, and validation in the things of this world, only to find themselves empty and broken.
Looking back, I realize that one of the greatest spiritual battles I faced was not really about my appearance. It was a battle over my identity in Christ.
What began as a struggle with insecurity eventually revealed a deeper spiritual battle taking place within my heart and mind. Through this testimony, I want to share how God exposed the enemy’s lies, revealed His truth, and reminded me that true healing, worth, and identity are found in Jesus Christ alone.
For a long time, I believed that my struggle was about my appearance. I thought the pain came from the hurtful words spoken to me. But after God opened my spiritual eyes, I realized that the real battle was never about how I looked. The enemy was attacking something much deeper—my identity in Christ.
Through this journey, God taught me powerful lessons about spiritual warfare, the importance of His Word, and where true worth and acceptance are found. What the enemy intended for evil, God used for good. He brought healing to my heart, revealed His love for me, and showed me that my value is not determined by people’s opinions but by what He says about me.
This is the story of how God led me from insecurity and confusion to healing, freedom, and a deeper understanding of my identity in Jesus Christ.
Part 1: The Beginning of the Battle
During the time I was struggling with sin, my relationship with God gradually began to fade. I can personally testify that what is written in the Bible is true: sin separates us from God. It is not because God leaves us, but because we drift away from Him. We cannot approach God directly in our sinful condition because He is holy. That is why we need to be made clean before God, and the only way to be cleansed is through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
ISAIAH 59:2 (NLT)
It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.
1 JOHN 1:9 (NLT)
But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
In my experience, that sinful struggle became a stronghold in my life. I surrendered it to God many times, yet I found it extremely difficult to let go. Because of that sin, many evil influences entered my life. Although it was against God's will, it was through that struggle that I witnessed God's power and love in a deeper way.
God allowed that difficult season in my life, and through it, He turned what was meant for evil into something good for His glory. After my deliverance, the Lord revealed to me that this had been part of my training. However, while I was going through it, I was not fully aware that it was part of God's training process.
I was aware of my sin, but my spiritual understanding was not yet deep. Looking back, I now realize that during that season, my heart and mind were focused on the natural realm. I felt abandoned by God.
It was similar to a child learning under the supervision of loving parents. The parents allow the child to do things independently while still watching closely. In the same way, I felt as though God was no longer holding me, and I believed He was absent from my life. But in reality, God was watching over me the entire time.
One part of that training involved a person in Germany who commented on my physical appearance. At first, the person told me that I was very cute. But shortly afterward, the conversation suddenly changed. The person said that I looked different in person than I did in my pictures. Then the person said that I was average, or even less than average, while laughing in a way that felt mocking.
The comment was specifically about my beauty.
I was surprised that the person suddenly said those things, although I sensed there was insecurity behind those words. Because I was not grounded in God's Word during that season due to my struggle with sin, I became vulnerable to spiritual attacks.
Those comments about my appearance became the beginning of my depression. The words stayed in my heart and mind constantly. The more I listened to them, the more depressed I became. For the first time in my life, insecurity entered my heart.
I became consumed with thoughts about my appearance and what I needed to improve in order to be accepted. I even asked my husband about my appearance.
My husband consistently told me that I was beautiful in every way, especially because I was a child of God. I would pressure him to tell me the truth without sugarcoating anything, but he always insisted that I was beautiful. Everything he said to me was positive and encouraging.
Yet because I continued listening to the negative voice that had entered my heart and mind through those hurtful words, I could not believe him. Deep inside, I felt tormented. The pain was overwhelming.
I had experienced criticism before, especially before I encountered God and developed a relationship with Him. However, those previous criticisms never affected me as deeply because they were not as direct or personal.
This was the first time someone had directly criticized my appearance to my face.
What made it even more confusing was that many people in both the Philippines and India had complimented my appearance. Because of the pain those words caused, I began asking some of my Indian friends who had seen me in person about my appearance. Every one of them told me that I was not average or less than average.
Yet their answers never satisfied me because I continued listening to the voice of condemnation.
The depression, pain, and heartbreak became overwhelming. There were times when I could not smile because the pain inside was so deep. I experienced many kinds of emotional suffering that no one truly understood except God.
Even though my husband constantly comforted me and felt sorry for what I was going through, he could not fully understand the depth of my pain. He had never hurt me emotionally or physically. That is why I remember thinking that I had never experienced this level of emotional pain before.
Yet at the very moment those hurtful words were spoken to me, God also spoke to my heart.
He reminded me that I was "fearfully and wonderfully made."
However, because I was struggling with sin, God's Word did not have the strength in my life that it should have had. Although God was near to me, I felt distant from Him.
As a result, I did not listen to His voice.
Because I ignored God's voice, those negative words continued to torment me. The pain remained.
Yet God's love and mercy toward me were far greater than I understood at the time.
After my deliverance, I came to understand the depth of His love and compassion for me throughout that entire experience.
God later spoke to me through a video by Kathryn Krick. When I opened Instagram, that video appeared at exactly the right moment. God used it to speak directly to my heart.
Through that video, I finally found peace.
The message was the same truth God had already spoken to me when those hurtful comments were made:
"I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
God used that video powerfully. His voice became stronger than the lies I had been believing, and my heart was finally at peace.
However, although I experienced peace, the strongholds in my life had not yet been completely broken. The torment continued to return.
Spiritually, I felt as though I was being tortured and held captive. There were many attacks from the enemy during that season.
When God saw that this part of my training had accomplished its purpose, He stepped in powerfully.
Suddenly, I experienced God's presence in an overwhelming way.
I wept intensely.
In the spiritual realm, I felt God comforting me and rescuing me. Through His presence, everything changed instantly. My depression, anxiety, pain, heartbreak, and stress disappeared.
I was amazed.
The heaviness I had carried for so long suddenly lifted. Then God opened my spiritual eyes.
He allowed me to see His work throughout the entire journey and revealed what the enemy had been doing all along.
God brought me back through my journey and showed me the enemy's tactics. Through this training, He exposed how the enemy attacks people so that I would become spiritually vigilant in the future.
The Lord showed me that the person who had spoken those hurtful words had simply been used by the enemy.
He revealed that the voice I had been listening to was not His voice but the enemy's voice.
Every time I listened to those lies, I experienced torment and pain.
Then God reminded me of David and Goliath. Just as Goliath mocked David, the enemy had been mocking and attacking me.
I realized that if I had fought back with God's Word, just as David defeated Goliath, the enemy would not have gained victory over me.
At the moment those hurtful words were spoken, God had already reminded me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I even remembered thinking, "God says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
But because I lacked spiritual awareness at the time, I failed to apply the full armor of God.
As a result, I lost that spiritual battle and suffered greatly.
God revealed to me that the enemy had been attacking me through depression, anxiety, pain, heartbreak, and other forms of torment. When He showed me everything, I wept deeply.
I realized that I had forgotten to put on the full armor of God, and during the enemy's attacks, I was overcome.
Yet through this training, I learned many valuable lessons.
I saw the incredible wisdom of God. Even what the enemy meant for evil, God used for my good.
If those attacks had never happened, I would not have recognized my weaknesses or learned the enemy's strategies.
God allowed me to go through that season so that I would become spiritually aware and prepared for future battles.
I am deeply grateful to God because after He revealed everything to me, I finally understood what had happened.
Without my relationship with God, I would never have been aware of these spiritual realities, nor would I have understood the spiritual battle taking place behind the scenes.
Part 2: Spiritual Warfare and God's Revelation
As I reflected on everything God had revealed to me, I became overwhelmed with gratitude. When He showed me the full picture of what had happened, I could not stop crying.
I cried tears of thanksgiving, tears of joy, tears of victory, and tears of gratitude for the healing and deliverance He had given me.
I cannot imagine where I would be today without a relationship with God. Without Him, I would never have understood what was happening spiritually, nor would I have been able to recognize the spiritual battle taking place behind the scenes.
Because of this experience, I deeply relate to the worship song “See A Victory” by Elevation Worship. The message of that song reminds me of what God did in my life—how He turned what the enemy meant for evil into something good.
This is why having a relationship with God is so important. God reveals truth to us, including the identity of our real enemy.
Through this experience, God healed not only the heaviness I was carrying but also my heart. He gave me the grace to forgive the person who had spoken those hurtful words to me.
In the spiritual realm, our true enemy is not people. Our battle is not against flesh and blood. People may sometimes be used by the enemy, but they are not the enemy themselves.
Without spiritual awareness, it is easy to be deceived and defeated by the enemy's attacks. That is why it is important to understand that our real battle is spiritual warfare.
Although we live in the natural world, there is also a spiritual battle taking place that we cannot see with our physical eyes.
EPHESIANS 6:10–13 (NLT)
10. final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.
God also opened my spiritual eyes and showed me how many people in this world are being oppressed by insecurity, confusion, rejection, depression, and other forms of emotional and spiritual bondage.
Because I had experienced this myself, my heart became filled with compassion for them.
I remembered seeing people alter their faces and bodies because of insecurity, bullying, confusion, or rejection. I thought about individuals who changed their appearance so drastically that they no longer looked like themselves.
One story, in particular, stayed in my mind.
I remembered a woman who had been bullied because people believed her partner was too attractive for her. Eventually, she underwent cosmetic surgery and changed parts of her face, including her nose, hoping to become more confident.
Yet after the surgery, people criticized her again. Some even told her that she had looked better before.
When I heard that story, I understood her pain because I had experienced something similar. The difference was that in her case, many people criticized her rather than just one person.
People often appear fine on the outside while carrying deep wounds on the inside.
Looking back, I believe one reason God allowed me to go through that painful experience was so that I could understand and empathize with others who have suffered in similar ways. Through my testimony, God can use my experience to bring healing and encouragement to others.
When we listen to the voice of the world instead of the voice of God, it can damage our self-worth and draw us away from Him.
The Bible teaches that Satan has influence over the fallen systems of this world. This does not mean that he owns the earth, because the earth belongs to God. Rather, Satan influences worldly systems, corrupt values, ungodly mindsets, and cultures that oppose God's truth.
Through pride, greed, materialism, and deception, he blinds people and leads them away from God.
PSALM 24:1 (NLT)
The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him.
1 JOHN 5:19 (NLT)
We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the control of the evil one.
2 CORINTHIANS 4:4 (NLT)
Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.
This is why a relationship with God is so important. God transforms our minds, our desires, and our hearts.
If we continually listen to worldly voices and deceptive thoughts, we become vulnerable to spiritual attacks and influences.
When I think about the woman who changed her appearance, I believe she listened to voices that filled her with confusion and insecurity. Those voices were reinforced by the standards and opinions of the world.
Without spiritual awareness, these things may seem normal. But in reality, many people are being oppressed by lies about their identity and worth.
My heart breaks for people who feel pressured to change themselves because of the enemy's lies.
God gives wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so that we can discern what is right. At the same time, God looks at the motives of the heart.
Not everyone who undergoes surgery does so because of insecurity. Some people do it for legitimate medical reasons. God sees the heart and knows each person's true motivation.
What touched me most was realizing how good God had been to me throughout this entire journey.
The enemy tried to pull me down and confuse my identity, but God rescued me and revealed His truth.
Satan is very clever. He often uses physical appearance as a weapon against people.
If we believe we are unattractive, insecurity, depression, envy, and rejection can take root in our hearts.
On the other hand, if we place our identity in our beauty, pride can easily enter as well.
The enemy attacks from both sides because his goal is to keep our focus away from God.
Part 3: The Victory of Knowing My Identity in Christ
God's Word is often twisted by Satan.
God looks at the condition of our hearts, but Satan constantly tries to shift our focus toward outward appearance. Instead of helping people transform what is inside, he deceives them into believing that changing what is on the outside will solve their deepest problems.
God's desire is for us to become a new creation through the work of the Holy Spirit. However, Satan twists that truth and promotes the idea that becoming a "new version" of ourselves comes through changing our physical appearance.
The world often says, "Become a new version of yourself" by changing the outside.
But God says that true transformation begins within. It starts with the renewing of our minds through the Holy Spirit.
The world focuses on appearance, status, image, and acceptance.
God focuses on the heart, character, identity, and relationship with Him.
Throughout history, Satan has twisted God's truth. We see this in the Garden of Eden when he distorted God's Word and deceived Adam and Eve.
In the same way, he continues to deceive people today. He makes worldly ideas appear attractive and convincing, even when they oppose God's will.
This is what it means when Scripture says that Satan blinds the minds of unbelievers. People become unable to recognize God's truth and begin searching for their identity, worth, purpose, and happiness in the things of this world instead of in Jesus Christ.
As a result, many people believe lies such as:
"If I change my appearance, I will finally feel complete."
"If I become wealthy, I will finally discover my value."
"If people accept me, I will finally find my identity."
"If my dreams come true, I will finally be happy."
But the truth is that identity, worth, purpose, and lasting joy cannot be found in the things of this world. They are found only in Jesus Christ.
In other words, Satan wants people to search for their identity, worth, and value in worldly things.
God wants people to discover their true identity in Jesus Christ.
Looking back on my own experience, I was not healed because my husband told me I was beautiful.
I was not healed because other people told me that I was not average.
I was healed when I finally accepted what God had already spoken over me:
"I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
PSALM 139:14 (NIV)
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
That is the true victory of my testimony.
The victory was never about my appearance.
The victory was about discovering my identity in Jesus Christ.
The battle began with my outward appearance, but the real battle was over who I believed I was in Christ.
The enemy's goal was never simply to make me feel insecure about how I looked. His goal was to attack my identity and make me question what God says about me.
Through this experience, God taught me that the enemy often attacks our identity before anything else. He wants us to find our worth in people's opinions, physical appearance, achievements, success, or acceptance rather than in Christ.
But true freedom comes when we choose to believe what God says about us instead of what the world says.
If you are struggling with insecurity, rejection, comparison, or feelings of not being enough, remember this:
Your identity is not determined by other people's opinions.
Your value does not come from your appearance.
Your worth is not based on your achievements.
Your acceptance is not found in the approval of others.
Your identity, worth, and value come from God alone.
What people say may wound your heart, but God's truth has the power to heal it.
True healing came when I finally accepted what God had already spoken over my life: that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
My victory was not found in proving my beauty.
My victory was found in discovering my identity in Jesus Christ.
The battle began with my outward appearance, but the real battle was over my identity in Christ.
When I chose to believe God's truth instead of the enemy's lies, I found the freedom, healing, peace, and victory that I had been searching for all along.
Final Reflection:
Looking back on this journey, I can clearly see God's faithfulness in every season of my life. What once brought me pain, insecurity, and confusion became an opportunity for God to reveal His truth, heal my heart, and strengthen my faith.
The enemy tried to use hurtful words to make me question who I was, but God used those same circumstances to draw me closer to Him and teach me where my true identity is found.
This experience reminded me that our value is not determined by our appearance, other people's opinions, or the standards of this world. Our true identity is found in Jesus Christ alone.
No matter what struggles, insecurities, or battles we may face, God's truth remains unchanged. We are loved by Him, created by Him, and precious in His sight.
Today, I no longer measure myself by the opinions of others. Instead, I choose to stand on what God says about me.
Because of Jesus Christ, I have found healing, freedom, peace, and a deeper understanding of who I am in Him.
My prayer is that anyone struggling with insecurity, rejection, or confusion about their identity will come to know the same truth that set me free: our worth is not found in the things of this world but in Jesus Christ alone.
To God be all the glory!
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